On my mind...

I love that when I think back on my childhood, I don’t automatically think of mindless hours of tv and video games. Don’t get me wrong. We watched tv. A lot. But when I think about some of my fondest memories as a child, I think about us sitting around my Mom while she read the Little House on the Prairie books. I think about running around outside, playing pioneers with my sisters (complete with costumes- thank you very much.) I remember my Dad taking us through a bible study, that as awkward and silly as it was, helped set my spirit up to understand, if only in part, who God made me to be. I remember us girls putting on plays for my parents, and us having tickle fights where my Dad would pull out the ‘iron claw’ and make us laugh until we couldn’t breathe. 

Its these simple memories that I hold dear to my heart. We didn’t have the money when I was growing up for lots of vacations, the newest clothes, being involved in activities, or buying cool gadgets. But I doubt I’d remember many of those things even if we did. Even though our lives were far from perfect, it was times that we spend together that made us who we were as a family. Not the things we had.

When I see all the things kids have access to today, it makes me feel overwhelmed and fearful. Not just because of the dangerous and unseemly things available, but the consumerism and materialistic culture that is imbedded in every part of our lives. Our culture is a raging, instant gratification machine. Media tells us that in order to have a happy life, you must own certain things, look a certain way, and be with certain people.

What scares me most about it is how all of this has exemplified itself in my own life. I spend most of my nights watching tv. I check my phone more times in a day then I feel comfortable admitting. I spend more time on pinterest and instragram looking at a cameras view of beauty then experiencing it first hand for myself.  I’ve fallen into the trap, along with everyone else, of paying someone else to making art out of life that I should be making myself.

Now that I’m just 4 months shy of having a brand new person to look after, my whole mindset has shifted. I don't want my child to grow up with this instant gratification culture as its guide. I don't want it to fall prey to the lie that having and doing all the right things makes you a fulfilled person. I dont want my example to be one of selfishness and greed.

Its easy to get into the ‘overhaul my entire life’ mode, and try to change everything about myself in a matter of a day. But I realize that in reality, there’s no way I can change overnight. To be honest, its not likely I’d see any huge and lasting improvements in my life before the baby comes anyways. The fact is this culture is ingrained in almost every aspect of my life.

But I don’t want my child growing up in a home that, consciously or not, promotes this world’s idea of happiness. I want my child to look back on life and have its fondest memories be ones of sustenance, with God and family at the heart, just like mine are of my own childhood.

So what am I to do? Throw out my tv and shun all worldly things has a threat to the wellbeing of my family? No. I think the one thing I can do is stop trying to control everything and make it better in my own power. The fear that grips my heart can be just as toxic as any other worldly influence. I have to allow the Holy Spirit to quiet my restless heart and give me peace. Only he has the power to transform and heal the corruption in my heart. And he’s the only one who can protect this new child from what the world will undoubtedly throw at it.

I think this is the time to really start asking God to show me and my husband what we can do to set our home up as a haven away from cultural influences. I don’t know exactly what that means yet. But I know God will show us as our family grows into what He wants it to be. Maybe that will mean throwing out the tv. Or maybe it will be as simple as putting away our cell phones and being intentional about spending quality time with each other. Either way, I’m ready to do what it takes to set up an environment that pursues the good, noble, lovely, and ultimately godly things in life.

Big Changes...

Life can sometimes seem so humdrum and bla’za. All you want is some excitement; something to stir the pot. Then, all of the sudden, you get your wish; and it’s all you can do to hang on for dear life! I think life has thrown Gabe and me on a crazy roller coaster, and it doesn’t show signs of stopping any time soon. First, in early December we got the big news that my twin sister Allie and her husband Jake are expecting twins in early July. What a crazy and amazing surprise! Who ever thought that one of the Barron girls would have twins? I guess God has some pretty big plans for my sister and her family! Then of course, the holidays hit, and along with the rest of America we spent those few weeks running around like chickens with our heads cut off.

Gabe and I also made the big decision to remodel our kitchen. So we’ve been dealing with contractors, bids and getting plans made up. It will all be worth it in the end, but right now it seems like a big mess. We’re hoping to start construction this month, but life has a way of throwing curve balls at you. It’s a long story, but after a stray cat mysteriously found its way into our basement, we found out that we have a hole that goes from one of the basement walls straight to the outside. So, before we start on the kitchen, we have to rip out our entire back deck to open space for the hole to be sealed. Sigh. What a mess! Eventually we’ll move from remodeling the kitchen to fixing up our master bath, and then hopefully onto a few other cosmetic changes around the house. In the mean time, I’m just praying no other big issues come up as we start this kitchen project. Ripping out the deck isn’t going to kill us, but it certainly was unexpected and leaves the huge question: what other issues do we not know about?

Beyond all of that, I guess the biggest change for us has come in a very small and unexpected package. The second week of December, we found out we are expecting our own little one on August 16^th, 2013. It was quite a shock after finding out about my sister just a week earlier. Come to find out, Allie and I are only a month apart. Talk about twin connection!

God is so surprising sometimes. I had prayed that God would open the door for Gabe and I to have a baby for years, and it seemed like it would never happen. At times it was hard walking in faith and trusting that God would bring everything in his perfect timing. It didn’t come in the timing I had planned, but it was perfect none the less. It’s exciting to be able to go through this journey with my sister, even though we’re thousands of miles apart. He knew we’d need each other’s support during this. And, he obviously wanted to shake up the Barron family as much as possible!

It’s been a rough journey thus far. I’ve been blessed to not have any major morning sickness, but I’ve dealt with other issues that have kept my worry wart heart in overdrive. But, God is faithful. He always gives us what we need, when we need it. He knew long before I did that this baby would be a part of Gabe’s and my life, and he knew that we’d face challenges along the way. I’m so thankful that God knows me better then I know myself. He knew this season of life would be crazy, chaotic, exciting and scary. He planned every detail of this pregnancy, and has a plan already in place to glorify his Son through it. Gabe and I are so excited to start our new job as a parents, and we’re ready to see Gods hand move in more ways we didn’t see coming!

Growing out a pixie- Update!

Obviously I'm horrible at keeping this blog updated. FAIL. But, I wanted to try to give you a hair update- because I know a lot of ladies out there go through the awkward grow out phase and would like to see someone else’s progress.

I officially started growing out my hair in February, and it is now October. That’s 8 months of growth thus far. There are days I feel like I've gained a good amount of length, and other days when I feel like I'm at a stand still. I've had some major hiccups along the way that kept my hair from obtaining good growth (like trims that went to far and major breakage). But, all in all- after looking at before and after photos- its obviously I'm getting somewhere. I guess you just cant rush these things.

Starting point: February 2012 (Blonde and Orange)

Present day: October 2012 (Dark Copper Red)

As you can see, I went red and I love it. I get bored easily, but a copper red is a perfect color to add some spice without going crazy! Red is hard upkeep, but it forces me to treat my hair better- which is what I needed from the get go.

One of the best things is I can now pull my hair into a pony tail- although it looks a little silly. I can also braid my bangs and side pieces if I'm feeling fancy. I can do it curly- although there are days where the curl ends up looking more Golden Girls then Beachy goddess.

Beyond what I can do with my hair- the biggest difference is the health of my hair between when I started and now. I have a long way to go, but it’s SO much better than it was. I still suffer from mild breakage, but that will happen until I'm able to cut off all of the hair that was tortured by bleach (about 2 inches more). My hair is much more naturally shiny, manageable, and soft. It basically feels like normal hair when its wet- and not like rubbery, spongy disgustingness. Doing the Protein treatments (I'm using Color Professional Protein Filler- which you can buy in clear (for all hair colors) or in your specific hair tone), and not bleaching has worked wonders to help the integrity of my hair. I'm hoping by the end of the year I'll have all the damaged hair trimmed off, and be working with totally healthy hair!

According to this grow out chart- I'm just about to #3. I guess that’s pretty good considering I started right at #1!

I'm confident that at the end of the year, I'll be able to reach my goal of this:

Another couple inches on my top layers, and I'm there (!!!)

I just read this wonderful blog about another lady who grew out her pixie cut and is now on the other side! Give it a look. I was really encouraged to keep pressing on!

Unity

People get tattoos for a lot of different reasons; decoration, remembrance, symbolism, or even rebellion. For me, tattoos are mile markers. Back in the Old Testament, whenever God would do a miracle, bless his people, or show favor on them, they would resurrect a monument out of stones as a way to remember what God had done. Not only would they see it and remember, but their children and children's children would see the stones and know what God had done. Well, building a stone monument isn't really practical in this day and age, and since I've always loved the art of tattoos, my way of resurrecting a monument for years to come is placing it on my body.

I just recently got a new tattoo, and I've had a few people ask me to give its meaning. I knew I had wanted this tattoo for a while, mainly because it symbolizes probably the most tangible miracle my family has ever experienced as a unit. Theres a lot to it, but in a nut shell, God did an incredible emotional and spiritual healing in my family two years ago. I'll spare you the gruesome details, but for years my family had been demonically oppressed, and riddled with habitual sins that were passed down from generation to generation. We didnt even realize it until 2 years ago, that each of us had dealt with the same sins, almost to a T. From sins in our personal lives, to sins in our marriages, each one of us had been struggling with the same issues. But, because of shame and guilt, we had never told each other what we had been going through- or even admitted that we were struggling. God began working in my Dad, older sister and my hearts (separately) about our family and the generational sins that had been oppressing us for so long. God began opening up the doors in our personal lives to seek restoration and healing- but our family as a whole still had so much bitterness and pain covering it. My Dad decided it was time to cut to the source and called a family meeting during Christmas of 2010. We all sat down and hashed everything out. We confessed sins, asked for forgiveness, wept together, and rejoiced as God began to break the chains that had been holding my family captive for so long. We realized that Satan had pinpointed my family as a target to destroy- and was doing everything he could to prevent us from uniting together. Satan was working so hard because he knows God has amazing plans for us- not only individually, but together as family. We could no longer allow Satan to break us apart with bitterness, anger, discord, back biting, discontent and shame.

In the last half of 2010 going into 2011, God did miracle after miracle in my family. He broke through years of secrets, bitterness and anger in my parents marriage and my own marriage, he allowed forgiveness and healing to flow between us girls and my Mom and Dad, and he started the restoration process of bring my family back together. The work he's doing in my family is still not finished, but he will be faithful to complete it. We are imperfect people trying to love each other, and so we'll always have bumps in the road. But I can honestly say that for the first time, our family is united. I believe by Gods grace and redemptive power the generational sins that have plagued my family are broken, the lies, secrecy and bitterness are dissolved, and we as the Barron family can walk in complete and total freedom through Jesus Christ’s blood! And you know what? God can do that in your family too. My family isn’t something special. God's healing power is for all who are willing to except it and walk through the refiner’s fire to come out the other side as pure gold. God wants to move in each and every family. He wants to restore what has been broken!

My tattoo is pretty self explanatory. The doves which are holding onto the banner of "Unity" represent my parents. The four flowers represent each of us four sisters. This tattoo is way for me to remember what God did in my family. Its something I can physically show my children and tell them the story of how God restored what had been lost. Its a legacy for me to pass down. Obviously it will fade, and when I die, it will be buried in the ground. But for my life here on earth, I will have a monument that shows the miracle God has done and is continuing to do.

Worship background vocals

Most of you know that Ive sung on church worship teams for over 10 years now, and over that time God's brought me through a major attitude overhaul. If you've never been on a church worship team, it can sometimes be hard to understand the common prideful mentality that can plague the worship singers. Not every singer deals with it, but for the longest time, being on the worship team platform was a performance to me. A place to show off and do whatever I wanted to do. I saw my time on stage as an opportunity to 'share my talents' with the world, and totally forgot about the main part of worship- Jesus! 

I remember so distinctly how God gently, but firmly broke my prideful spirit and had to bring me to the point of understanding that it isn't about me! Worship is one of the most beautiful things we get to do as Christians. Its not about singing a worship song, lifting our hands, or clapping in a service. Worship is a live style that brings glory to Jesus. Worship is saying "God, You are good and I am not- so I give You everything I am and offer up my life as a sacrifice". Worship truly is an act of submission to God, and beyond that, a celebration of His greatness and love. There is nothing sweeter then ministering to God and showing our love for Him together with the body of Christ. It's a tangible way to stop and say "I love you, Jesus!". What an incredible thing.

Being on a church worship team is an incredible privilege. Its being able to use the talent God has given you to glorify him in a public setting, and lead others to the throne room. Its a huge responsibility, and God had to bring me through some tough lessons to finally get to the point where I take my job as a worshiper seriously. Suddenly, when its all about Jesus and leading the body of Christ into extravagant worship, you're own agenda doesn't matter.

With that said, over the course of the last year, God has been changing my heart even more towards worship teams. Mainly, the background vocalists on worship teams. I feel such a passion to see singers rise up and not just be great singers, but to become the worshipers they were designed to be! The singers on a worship team are truly the first example of worship that the congregation sees. They set the tone for worship, and are instrumental in setting the tone for the entire service. In Psalms 68 :24-25 is says "Your procession, God, has come into view, the procession of my God and King into the sanctuary. In front are the singers, after them the musicians. Praise God in the great congregation, praise the Lord in the assembly..." In the Old Testament, the singers and musicians would go out ahead of the army, singing praises to God- worship was that important to winning the battle! "After consulting the people, Jehoshaphat appointed men to sing to the Lord and to praise Him for the splendor of His holiness as they went out at the head of the army, saying: "Give thanks to the Lord, for His love endures forever!". As they began to sing and praise, the Lord set ambushes against the men of Ammon and Moab and Mount Seir who were invading Judah, and they were defeated." 2 Chronicles 20:21-22. 

Being on a worship team is so much more then just using our talents for God. We are the front line of defense. We have the privilege to usher the presence of God into the sanctuary and see God move in peoples lives. We can pave the way for an incredible move of God- just like in 2 Chronicles. As they sang praises, God defeated their enemies. How incredible is that? We as worshipers can set the stage for a move of God like never before!