Lovesick

Sometimes you love something so much, it hurts...

I never really fully understood that concept until I started dating my husband. As corny as it sounds, for the first time, I felt what it meant to really love someone so much that you ache for them. I remember one night while we were still engaged, he had eaten dinner with my family and was getting ready to go home. Something came over me and the thought of "what 
if this is the last time I ever see him?" rushed over me. As I hugged him good-bye, I felt myself memorizing every aspect of him, because I didnt want to forget, if, God forbid, I'd never get to hug him again. In the darkness of that night, I ran my fingers over his face so somehow by braille I'd learn every curve of his face, dug my head deep into his shirt so I could commit his smell to memory, hugged him tight so I could remember the feeling of being in his arms, and kissed him with more love and sincerity then I had in a long time. After he left, I went to bed with so much heart ache. Not because I was going to loss him, but because I loved him so much I couldnt stand the thought of facing a day without him. I was truly lovesick for him, in both the joy and beauty of love found and the grief and ache of love if it where lost.

That moment came and went, and of course, I dont live my life with that sort of clinching heart ache that keeps me in a state of turmoil. But, ever once in a while, I'm reminded of what it would be like to loose someone I love dearly, and I'm once again overcome by that same pain I learned so many years ago. When I experience heart ache like that, I cant help but wonder if thats how God feels for us- when we're far from him. If we experience even a fraction of the love here on earth that God feels for us, how much more then does he yearn and ache for us when we're apart from him?

Its such a big 'trend' in the Christian world to talk about God's love for us, and at times, that truth can overlap other much needed theology in our worship services, sermons and books. As a result, its easy to overlook his love because its thrown at us until it becomes the 'norm'. I've found myself being hardened, and even impartial to the truth of God's love, because its become common place to hear it time and time again. Its then I have to stop and sometimes look at things through a different angle.

Often times view the love of God like the love of a Father (which is so true, and a beautiful analogy), but not being a parent myself, its hard for me to sometimes grasp that. Putting on a different pair of spiritual glasses and looking at it a different way helps me see God's love in a whole new light. If I can see His love for me like that of a forlorn lover, one that yearns, cries and is deeply lovesick for me, then would my heart be so hard? I know just a microscopic portion of pain and heartache in loving my husband, how much more does God love and ache for me? His love is so much bigger, broader, deeper and truer then any love that comes from my heart or anyones heart here on this earth. How His heart must ache for those that are lost, and for us who know him, but are far away. How many times have I ignored him? There have been countless days when I've not even acknowledged his presence! How it must grieve his heart, for his beloved- the one he yearns for so deeply- to neglect him!

After seeing that faint glimpse of the tremendous love He has for us, how can my heart not be melted? His love is so deep... "...For love is as strong as death, its jealousy unyielding as the grave. It burns like blazing fire, like a mighty flame. Many waters cannot quench love; rivers cannot sweep it away" Song of Songs 8:6b-7a. His love is more then I can ever imagine. If I can comprehend just a taste of it, then maybe a glimmer of the lovesickness He feels for me will overwhelm my heart for Him, and I'll chase after him harder then I ever have before.

How He Loves
By John Mark McMillian

Verse 1:
He is jealous for me,
Loves like a hurricane, I am a tree,
Bending beneath the weight of his wind and mercy.
When all of a sudden,
I am unaware of these afflictions eclipsed by glory,
And I realize just how beautiful You are,
And how great Your affections are for me.

Pre-Chorus:
And oh, how He loves us so,
Oh how He loves us,
How He loves us all

Chorus:
Yeah, He loves us,
Whoa! how He loves us,
Whoa! how He loves us,
Whoa! how He loves.
Yeah, He loves us,
Whoa! how He loves us,
Whoa! how He loves us,
Whoa! how He loves.

Verse 2:
We are His portion and He is our prize,
Drawn to redemption by the grace in His eyes,
If grace is an ocean, we’re all sinking.
So Heaven meets earth like a sloppy wet kiss,
And my heart turns violently inside of my chest,
I don’t have time to maintain these regrets,
When I think about, the way…

Be the Bride

Its been forever since I posted to this blog. So many things have happened and are continuing to happen that I haven’t really been able to process them thoroughly. It seems like God is truly beginning to stir the pot and awaken something new within the hearts of those that seek after Him. I have seen lives transformed and miracles take place- in situations that I never thought would see resolution. And, more amazing things are continuing to happen. I've seen God open up the flood gates of heaven and pour down his Spirit, in both a heavy down pour and a sweet, soft rain.

Everything is coming to a head, and I think its time as believers that we break out of this mundane, comfortable cocoon that we've built for ourselves. God never intended for us to be so caught up in ourselves that we stop seeing reality. Yes, we have to shield our hearts from the evil of this world. Yet, I believe God is raising up a generation of believers who will not only open there eyes to injustice, but break through the darkness by shining the light of God's holy Word on this earth. We have for to long sat in our 'perfect' church services, read our feel good self-help books and all the time been drowning in the mire of complacency and apathy.

Don’t you see? Its not about us! Its about HIM! And when we can truly grasp that, we will see, feel and become the heart of Christ. Where are the Christians who will be bold enough to be real with themselves and say 'Enough is enough!'. No more! We will not live in bondage. We will not stand by and watch the rest of the world suffer while we sip our expensive coffee and wear designer jeans. It is time to throw off the mega church, prosperity, and self driven theology that we as Christians have grown to admire, and begin to lay down our lives for the sake of Christ! God forbid we ever forget that we are not our own. We are because of the love and mercy of God.

I'm getting all riled up here, so I'll leave you with this. Every time I hear this song- my heart just begins to race with anticipation. Its the call, to the Bride of Christ, to stand up, unite, and become who we were made to be! Amen!

Beautiful Bride- by Flyleaf

Unified diversity

Functioning as one body

Every part encouraged by the other

No one independent of another

You're irreplaceable, indispensable

You're incredible

Incredible

(Chorus)

Beautiful bride

Body of Christ

One flesh abiding

Strong and unifying

Fighting ends in forgiveness

Unite and fight all division

Beautiful bride

Strengthen your arms now

Train your fingers for battle

Urgency's here now

Train your fingers for battle

Fighting this violence

With your feet wrapped in peace

Sad tears and silence

Now screams of joy

Victory

(Chorus)

Beautiful bride

Body of Christ

One flesh abiding

Strong and unifying

Fighting ends in forgiveness

Unite and fight all division

Beautiful bride

Beautiful bride

Body of Christ

One flesh abiding

Strong and unifying

We're not gonna fall and forget

How far You went to pick us up

If one part's hurt the whole body's sick

If one part mourns we all mourn with Him

Rejoice, and we'll sing with you

Hallelujah, Hallelujah, Hallelujah, Hallelujah

(Chorus)

Beautiful bride

Body of Christ

One flesh abiding

Strong and unifying

Fighting ends in forgiveness

Unite and fight all division

Beautiful bride

Its that time of year again....

 Guess what time of year it is? Fall? Well...yes, but wrong answer. School begins? Yes...but, not what I was going for. Keep guessing! Give up? Oh ok. I'll tell you...  

Its time for the Office to start! YAY!  

Call Gabe and I fanatics, but we love the Office. We own all 6 seasons, and are waiting with baited breath for the 7th season to start in the next few weeks. Yes, the last few seasons of the Office have been a little lack luster, but I have high hopes for the new season. Although Steve Carell (Michael) is making this his last season, there are endless possibilities for story-lines to develop. What if Dwight becomes the new Office manager? What if Andy starts chasing after Erin again? What will happen to Toby if Holly returns? Will we ever find out what Creed really does? Will Recyclops make another appearance?

 I'm super excited for whats to come and yes, as lame as it is, I'll be watching the past 6 seasons to vamp up for the new season. So, I'll leave you with a rad website with Office quotes to get your Office blood pumping too. Enjoy

Office Quotes

Beauty and the Beast...... lalalala laaaaa.....

I listened to 5 radio broadcasts from FamilyLife Today on Beauty these past two days. Three women,Nancy Leigh Demoss, Nancy Stafford and Sharon Jaynes we're a panel interviewed about God's view of beauty, the cultural standards, and modesty. I was actually quite surprised by many of their responses on the topic (especially since their a veryconservative group). It got me thinkingabout my own ideas of beauty. So often my heart is clouded by the worlds perspective of being thin, pretty, pulled together, or whatever it might be, that I forget God's true meaning ofbeauty. It is a meek, gentle and quiet spirit,but with that, its physically being your best so you can glorify God. God is the creator of beauty, and in that, he wants us to reflect it.
 What are your ideas of beauty? Are your thoughts muddled with the worlds, or are youcultivating a heart that seeks to understand and obtain God's view?
Listen to the broadcast'shere:
Day 1
Day 2
Day 3
Day 4
Day 5

Old memories die hard

  Last night I was flooded with old memories. Memories that havent resurfaced for a long time. Memories about old friends, fun times, hurt, pain, hope, lament, and mourning. I sat there for a long time wondering what happened, what I could have done differently, and if there was ever hope of restoration. That lead to wondering what would have happened if all those memories were just a dream and they were erased. I sorta let the old wound resurface and I mourned over it again, like it was fresh. I knew there was no turning back, but the loss was greater then I had let myself remember before. Its easy to think that its no big deal, but when you're really truthful with yourself, those memories are pieces of you- pieces that are tender and even raw to the touch.
  This morning I woke up in the same battlefield, and I decided I couldnt allow myself to wallow any more. I needed to jump into action. I have done what I physically can, by asking for forgiveness, trying to make the wrong right again. Yet my heart still aches for restoration. The only thing I could decide to do was pray. I couldnt relive those memories over and over again like a movie reel in my mind. I couldnt wonder what if anymore. What I could do was bust open heavens gates and lay those memories at the feet of Jesus. I could act as an intercessor between the lost and God, pleading for the Holy Spirit to break through walls and demolish strong holds. That there will be misery in current circumstance and Jesus will make himself known. That there will be a longing and thirst in the hearts of those involved that only Jesus' blood will satisfy. I know I might not be the one to sow the seed, but through prayer I can plant seeds. I can pray for harvesters that will bring Jesus' truth to those circumstances, and pray that their work is speedy.
  Beyond that I could ask God for forgiveness, for the part I played in pushing, pulling and warping my will into the lives of others. Its easy to look back and only remember the things you want to. When I look back, I forget about the wrong I did, the pain I caused, and the wall I helped build. I have to be honest and admit that I am not blameless and its only through Christ's blood and mercy that the past can be made clean. And through Him, He past is not just cleaned- but made right in due time.