Tuesday, January 11, 2011


Sometimes you love something so much, it hurts...

I never really fully understood that concept until I started dating my husband. As corny as it sounds, for the first time, I felt what it meant to really love someone so much that you ache for them. I remember one night while we were still engaged, he had eaten dinner with my family and was getting ready to go home. Something came over me and the thought of "what
if this is the last time I ever see him?" rushed over me. As I hugged him
good-bye, I felt myself memorizing every aspect of him, because I didnt want to forget, if, God forbid, I'd never get to hug him again. In the darkness of that night, I ran my fingers over his face so somehow by braille I'd learn every curve of his face, dug my head deep into his shirt so I could commit his smell to memory, hugged him tight so I could remember the feeling of being in his arms, and kissed him with more love and sincerity then I had in a long time. After he left, I went to bed with so much heart ache. Not because I was going to loss him, but because I loved him so much I couldnt stand the thought of facing a day without him. I was truly lovesick for him, in both the joy and beauty of love found and the grief and ache of love if it where lost.

That moment came and went, and of course, I dont live my life with that sort of clinching heart ache that keeps me in a state of turmoil. But, ever once in a while, I'm reminded of what it would be like to loose someone I love dearly, and I'm once again overcome by that same pain I learned so many years ago. When I experience heart ache like that, I cant help but wonder if thats how God feels for us- when we're far from him. If we experience even a fraction of the love here on earth that God feels for us, how much more then does he yearn and ache for us when we're apart from him?

Its such a big 'trend' in the Christian world to talk about God's love for us, and at times, that truth can overlap other much needed theology in our worship services, sermons and books. As a result, its easy to overlook his love because its thrown at us until it becomes the 'norm'. I've found myself being hardened, and even impartial to the truth of God's love, because its become common place to hear it time and time again. Its then I have to stop and sometimes look at things through a different angle.

Often times view the love of God like the love of a Father (which is so true, and a beautiful analogy), but not being a parent myself, its hard for me to sometimes grasp that. Putting on a different pair of spiritual glasses and looking at it a different way helps me see God's love in a whole new light. If I can see His love for me like that of a forlorn lover, one that yearns, cries and is deeply lovesick for me, then would my heart be so hard? I know just a microscopic portion of pain and heartache in loving my husband, how much more does God love and ache for me? His love is so much bigger, broader, deeper and truer then any love that comes from my heart or anyones heart here on this earth. How His heart must ache for those that are lost, and for us who know him, but are far away. How many times have I ignored him? There have been countless days when I've not even acknowledged his presence! How it must grieve his heart, for his beloved- the one he yearns for so deeply- to neglect him!
After seeing that faint glimpse of the tremendous love He has for us, how can my heart not be melted? His love is so deep... "...For love is as strong as death, its jealousy unyielding as the grave. It burns like blazing fire, like a mighty flame. Many waters cannot quench love; rivers cannot sweep it away" Song of Songs 8:6b-7a. His love is more then I can ever imagine. If I can comprehend just a taste of it, then maybe a glimmer of the lovesickness He feels for me will overwhelm my heart for Him, and I'll chase after him harder then I ever have before.

How He Loves
By John Mark McMillian

Verse 1:
He is jealous for me,
Loves like a hurricane, I am a tree,
Bending beneath the weight of his wind and mercy.
When all of a sudden,
I am unaware of these afflictions eclipsed by glory,
And I realize just how beautiful You are,
And how great Your affections are for me.

And oh, how He loves us so,
Oh how He loves us,
How He loves us all

Yeah, He loves us,
Whoa! how He loves us,
Whoa! how He loves us,
Whoa! how He loves.
Yeah, He loves us,
Whoa! how He loves us,
Whoa! how He loves us,
Whoa! how He loves.

Verse 2:
We are His portion and He is our prize,
Drawn to redemption by the grace in His eyes,
If grace is an ocean, we’re all sinking.
So Heaven meets earth like a sloppy wet kiss,
And my heart turns violently inside of my chest,
I don’t have time to maintain these regrets,
When I think about, the way…

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