Thursday, October 7, 2010

Be the Bride

Its been forever since I posted to this blog. So many things have happened and are continuing to happen that I haven’t really been able to process them thoroughly. It seems like God is truly beginning to stir the pot and awaken something new within the hearts of those that seek after Him. I have seen lives transformed and miracles take place- in situations that I never thought would see resolution. And, more amazing things are continuing to happen. I've seen God open up the flood gates of heaven and pour down his Spirit, in both a heavy down pour and a sweet, soft rain.

Everything is coming to a head, and I think its time as believers that we break out of this mundane, comfortable cocoon that we've built for ourselves. God never intended for us to be so caught up in ourselves that we stop seeing reality. Yes, we have to shield our hearts from the evil of this world. Yet, I believe God is raising up a generation of believers who will not only open there eyes to injustice, but break through the darkness by shining the light of God's holy Word on this earth. We have for to long sat in our 'perfect' church services, read our feel good self-help books and all the time been drowning in the mire of complacency and apathy.

Don’t you see? Its not about us! Its about HIM! And when we can truly grasp that, we will see, feel and become the heart of Christ. Where are the Christians who will be bold enough to be real with themselves and say 'Enough is enough!'. No more! We will not live in bondage. We will not stand by and watch the rest of the world suffer while we sip our expensive coffee and wear designer jeans. It is time to throw off the mega church, prosperity, and self driven theology that we as Christians have grown to admire, and begin to lay down our lives for the sake of Christ! God forbid we ever forget that we are not our own. We are because of the love and mercy of God.

I'm getting all riled up here, so I'll leave you with this. Every time I hear this song- my heart just begins to race with anticipation. Its the call, to the Bride of Christ, to stand up, unite, and become who we were made to be! Amen!

Beautiful Bride- by Flyleaf

Unified diversity

Functioning as one body

Every part encouraged by the other

No one independent of another

You're irreplaceable, indispensable

You're incredible



Beautiful bride

Body of Christ

One flesh abiding

Strong and unifying

Fighting ends in forgiveness

Unite and fight all division

Beautiful bride

Strengthen your arms now

Train your fingers for battle

Urgency's here now

Train your fingers for battle

Fighting this violence

With your feet wrapped in peace

Sad tears and silence

Now screams of joy



Beautiful bride

Body of Christ

One flesh abiding

Strong and unifying

Fighting ends in forgiveness

Unite and fight all division

Beautiful bride

Beautiful bride

Body of Christ

One flesh abiding

Strong and unifying

We're not gonna fall and forget

How far You went to pick us up

If one part's hurt the whole body's sick

If one part mourns we all mourn with Him

Rejoice, and we'll sing with you

Hallelujah, Hallelujah, Hallelujah, Hallelujah


Beautiful bride

Body of Christ

One flesh abiding

Strong and unifying

Fighting ends in forgiveness

Unite and fight all division

Beautiful bride

Thursday, September 9, 2010

Its that time of year again....

 Guess what time of year it is? Fall? Well...yes, but wrong answer. School begins? Yes...but, not what I was going for. Keep guessing! Give up? Oh ok. I'll tell you...  
Its time for the Office to start! YAY!  
Call Gabe and I fanatics, but we love the Office. We own all 6 seasons, and are waiting with baited breath for the 7th season to start in the next few weeks. Yes, the last few seasons of the Office have been a little lack luster, but I have high hopes for the new season. Although Steve Carell (Michael) is making this his last season, there are endless possibilities for story-lines to develop. What if Dwight becomes the new Office manager? What if Andy starts chasing after Erin again? What will happen to Toby if Holly returns? Will we ever find out what Creed really does? Will Recyclops make another appearance?
 I'm super excited for whats to come and yes, as lame as it is, I'll be watching the past 6 seasons to vamp up for the new season. So, I'll leave you with a rad website with Office quotes to get your Office blood pumping too. Enjoy

Office Quotes

Tuesday, August 17, 2010

Beauty and the Beast...... lalalala laaaaa.....

I listened to 5 radio broadcasts from FamilyLife Today on Beauty these past two days. Three women,Nancy Leigh Demoss, Nancy Stafford and Sharon Jaynes we're a panel interviewed about God's view of beauty, the cultural standards, and modesty. I was actually quite surprised by many of their responses on the topic (especially since their a veryconservative group). It got me thinkingabout my own ideas of beauty. So often my heart is clouded by the worlds perspective of being thin, pretty, pulled together, or whatever it might be, that I forget God's true meaning ofbeauty. It is a meek, gentle and quiet spirit,but with that, its physically being your best so you can glorify God. God is the creator of beauty, and in that, he wants us to reflect it.

What are your ideas of beauty? Are your thoughts muddled with the worlds, or are youcultivating a heart that seeks to understand and obtain God's view?

Listen to the broadcast'shere:

Day 1

Day 2

Day 3

Day 4

Day 5

Wednesday, June 9, 2010

Old memories die hard

  Last night I was flooded with old memories. Memories that havent resurfaced for a long time. Memories about old friends, fun times, hurt, pain, hope, lament, and mourning. I sat there for a long time wondering what happened, what I could have done differently, and if there was ever hope of restoration. That lead to wondering what would have happened if all those memories were just a dream and they were erased. I sorta let the old wound resurface and I mourned over it again, like it was fresh. I knew there was no turning back, but the loss was greater then I had let myself remember before. Its easy to think that its no big deal, but when you're really truthful with yourself, those memories are pieces of you- pieces that are tender and even raw to the touch.
This morning I woke up in the same battlefield, and I decided I couldnt allow myself to wallow any more. I needed to jump into action. I have done what I physically can, by asking for forgiveness, trying to make the wrong right again. Yet my heart still aches for restoration. The only thing I could decide to do was pray. I couldnt relive those memories over and over again like a movie reel in my mind. I couldnt wonder what if anymore. What I could do was bust open heavens gates and lay those memories at the feet of Jesus. I could act as an intercessor between the lost and God, pleading for the Holy Spirit to break through walls and demolish strong holds. That there will be misery in current circumstance and Jesus will make himself known. That there will be a longing and thirst in the hearts of those involved that only Jesus' blood will satisfy. I know I might not be the one to sow the seed, but through prayer I can plant seeds. I can pray for harvesters that will bring Jesus' truth to those circumstances, and pray that their work is speedy.
Beyond that I could ask God for forgiveness, for the part I played in pushing, pulling and warping my will into the lives of others. Its easy to look back and only remember the things you want to. When I look back, I forget about the wrong I did, the pain I caused, and the wall I helped build. I have to be honest and admit that I am not blameless and its only through Christ's blood and mercy that the past can be made clean. And through Him, He past is not just cleaned- but made right in due time.

Tuesday, May 18, 2010

I'm crushed between the teeth...

I love Showbread. Their one of the few bands that I feel like have stretched the limits of "Christian music" and made it into one of the most thought provoking, convicting and memorable presentations of the Gospel I've ever encountered. It’s beyond the KLJC or Air One artists. Showbread is diving deep into a world that many Christian artist are afraid to go- true ministry.

Showbread has decided to give away their 5th cd for free through Come&Live, a ministry that is meant to equip musicians to fulfill the calling God placed on their lives for ministry. I think its an incredible thing, and I'm excited to see what God will do through them. Gabe and I have given- will you? If you’re interested- check here for more information . You can also read more about Showbread's decision to leave the 'music industry' and become missionaries in the music field here .
I listened to both Showbreads cd's 'Anorexia' and 'Nervosa' today, and yet again I'm reminded why I love Showbread so much. Those two cds (which coincide with each other) are some of the most creative and intense music I've ever listened too. They both are meant to be listened to while reading a story, which front man Josh Dies (Joshua Porter) wrote. The stories are about two sisters. Anoexia- who chose to climb the latter of success and self made righteousness, and Nervosa- chose the path of self destruction and misery. They are two polar opposites who you see at the end- no matter if one is dying from a disease or the other of a failed abortion- need Jesus Christ's blood to cover them. Although the back story for each cd makes the songs that much more incredible, they can most certainly be listened to alone. Listening to them like regular cd's gives a different but still pungent effect. These cd's are not for the weak of heart (they contain some 'graphic' sound effects), nor for the condemning (one of the stories details a rape and abortion). Yet if you want to open your eyes to the darkness the world lives in and the light which Jesus Christ offers, these two cd's paint a raw, real, and beautiful picture.

Here are the lyrics to "The Journey", the first song on ‘Anorexia’. I've had it stuck in my head all day. You can listen to it by clicking the song title.

The Journey (Anorexia)
The world is big and empty
With tentacles and a mouth
The world was in my body
I'll tear the world out
The mouth yawns open
The mouth never sleepsThe mouth never closes
So I pull out it's teeth

I am lost inside the mouth
I am lost
The world is big and barren
Mostly dying, mostly withered away
Yet with enough machines, it operates
Beeps and buzzes, archs it's treads
Spreads it's legs for me, tilts back it's head
The thing twists it's coils, grinds at my guts
Tightens up around me, forces my heart shut

I am crushed between the teethCrushed between the teeth (2x)

I will be remembered
You will be forgotten
I will be reveredYou will be misplaced
I will crush the world's head
You will drink it's urine
I will be honored
You will be disgraced

Thursday, May 13, 2010

Last night I tried my hand at making Spaghetti Squash. Most people microwave or bake theirs, but my Mom suggested I boil it. I've had Spaghetti Squashed made in the microwave before, and it usually becomes a little mushy and almost defeats the purpose of using it as a substitute for pasta. However, boiling it make it crunchy and delicious! If I could readily get a hold of spaghetti squash I dont think I'd be eating much pasta anymore. It had the consistency of al dente pasta with a very mild squash flavor. It melded perfectly with spaghetti sauce and was surprisingly filling.

Heres how I made it. You'll notice that I dont really measure anything. Everything is really according to your taste, and I just throw things into the pot until it smells and tastes delicious.


1 medium/large Spaghetti Squash
1 jar of Spaghetti sauce (any kind will do)
Small hand full of bacon bits
Hand full of Parmesan cheese
Dash of Italian Spice
Dash of Garlic Powder
Dash of Cookies seasoning
Cheddar cheese

Start boiling a large stew pot full of water. Cut Spaghetti Squash length ways in half and remove seeds. Once water is boiling, place squash in, and allow to softly boil until the flesh is tender and it starts to shred. Remove squash and plunge into cold water to stop the cooking process. Heat spaghetti sauce, bacon, cheese and spices in microwave or sauce pan. Remove squash from cold water once its cooled. Begin shredding the squash flesh with a fork. It will begin to break up into fine pieces, much like pasta. It should continue to shred until you reach the skin of the squash. Add squash to spaghetti sauce and let reheat for a few minutes so flavors blend and squash becomes warm again. Serve with cheddar cheese sprinkled on top. You can also add hamburger, ground turkey or chicken to the dish to "beef" it up. (Hardy har... I made a pun!)

You can also make this exact same dish with White sauce instead of Spaghetti sauce. If you're only feeding a few people like I am, you'll probably have left over squash. The following day I just used a white sauce over top with seasonings, chicken and veggies. It was quite tasty!


Monday, May 10, 2010

She'll prey on your very life

Life has been so busy I havent really had time to sit down and think about writing. However, this afternoon I started back up writing a story I had put aside for a little while. Its sorta a play on the Proverbs 6-7 when Solomon speaks about the adulterous women and how she preys on the very live of the simple man. I have had several stories wrapped around in my mind- from a almost literal account of the chapters to a metaphorical story that points towards the verses.
I think this will be one of those projects that will haunt me for a long time. The stories are almost like terrifying dreams that replay in my mind over and over again, and I think the only way to calm them is to unload them on to paper. I wish there was a way I could hook a recorder up in my brain and just get through each story like I'd watch a movie.
I think Proverbs 6-7 is very close to my heart, simply because of much of my past. The stories that play through in my mind are in some way or another direct links to the very things I've come out of. I totally relate to the man in these proverbs, although I hate to admit it. I think we all can, whether its with one sort of temptation or another.

Proverbs 6:24-35

24 keeping you from the immoral woman,
from the smooth tongue of the wayward wife.

25 Do not lust in your heart after her beauty
or let her captivate you with her eyes,

26 for the prostitute reduces you to a loaf of bread,
and the adulteress preys upon your very life.

27 Can a man scoop fire into his lap
without his clothes being burned?

28 Can a man walk on hot coals
without his feet being scorched?

29 So is he who sleeps with another man's wife;
no one who touches her will go unpunished.

30 Men do not despise a thief if he steals
to satisfy his hunger when he is starving.

31 Yet if he is caught, he must pay sevenfold,
though it costs him all the wealth of his house.

32 But a man who commits adultery lacks judgment;
whoever does so destroys himself.

33 Blows and disgrace are his lot,
and his shame will never be wiped away;

34 for jealousy arouses a husband's fury,
and he will show no mercy when he takes revenge.

35 He will not accept any compensation;
he will refuse the bribe, however great it is.

Proverbs 7:6-27

6 At the window of my house
I looked out through the lattice.

7 I saw among the simple,
I noticed among the young men,
a youth who lacked judgment.

8 He was going down the street near her corner,
walking along in the direction of her house

9 at twilight, as the day was fading,
as the dark of night set in.

10 Then out came a woman to meet him,
dressed like a prostitute and with crafty intent.

11 (She is loud and defiant,
her feet never stay at home;

12 now in the street, now in the squares,
at every corner she lurks.)

13 She took hold of him and kissed him
and with a brazen face she said:

14 "I have fellowship offerings at home;
today I fulfilled my vows.

15 So I came out to meet you;
I looked for you and have found you!

16 I have covered my bed
with colored linens from Egypt.

17 I have perfumed my bed
with myrrh, aloes and cinnamon.

18 Come, let's drink deep of love till morning;
let's enjoy ourselves with love!

19 My husband is not at home;
he has gone on a long journey.

20 He took his purse filled with money
and will not be home till full moon."

21 With persuasive words she led him astray;
she seduced him with her smooth talk.

22 All at once he followed her
like an ox going to the slaughter,
like a deer stepping into a noosec]">

23 till an arrow pierces his liver,
like a bird darting into a snare,
little knowing it will cost him his life.

24 Now then, my sons, listen to me;
pay attention to what I say.

25 Do not let your heart turn to her ways
or stray into her paths.

26 Many are the victims she has brought down;
her slain are a mighty throng.

27 Her house is a highway to the grave,d]">
leading down to the chambers of death.

Monday, May 3, 2010

Let me feel it...

Its been one of those days where everything is coming in on me. Pressures,
expectations, worries, responsibilities. Theres something about mondays
that just wear on me. Ha. "Rainy days and Mondays always get me down"...Ha.
Although I quite like rainy days.
All day its seemed like no one understands- like I'm the only one who sees
things this certain way. During lunch I decided just to go to the car, roll
down the windows and pray. I put in my head phones, worshiped and just felt
God's sweet presence fill the car. It was so hot in there... but every so
often, an amazing cool breeze would pass through and it would just cool my
whole body. It made me think about the Holy Spirit. Even in the 'hottest'
circumstances, God's Spirit brings peace and restoration through his
refreshing presence.
I heard this song play during my quiet time with the Lord, and it seemed to
sum up exactly what my hearts cry is to the Lord.

Light of Your Face- Jesus Culture

O Lord bless me and keep me
Cause Your face to shine on me
Lord be gracious with the light of Your countenance,
Give me peace

I live only to see your face
So shine on me

Let the light of Your face shine down on my heart
And let me feel it
"Break Me Down"- Red

A long day alone
Emptiness is so real
Never having peace of mind
Running from what I can't see
And there is nowhere left to hide
Turn and face these empty eyes
All alone, heart untold
Trying to find

Break me down replace this fear inside
Take this nothingness from me
I want to find
I want to shine
I want to rise
Break me down

I try to find myself
I find the stranger trapped inside
And I'll take one more step away
From the face I used to recognize
Familiar shadows closing in
Suffocating fear descends
It comes alive, uncovered eyes

I'm trying to find
Break me down replace this fear inside
Take this nothingness from me
I want to find
I want to shine
I want to rise
Break me down

Replace this fear inside
Take this nothingness from me
I want to find
I want to shine
I want to rise
Break me down

Break me down
I want to find
I want to shine
I want to rise
Break me down [repeat]

Break me!

Thursday, April 29, 2010

I just watched a movie called "Girl Interrupted". Yeah, its rated R, so I dont know if I can completely recommend it simply for that fact. Anyways... its about a girl who's diagnosed with Border Line Personality Disorder. Pretty interesting stuff.
Sorta made me think about the things people battle through and how I can truly relate, on one scale or another with it.

Have any of you seen that movie? What did you think?

Tuesday, April 27, 2010

Sticks and Stones...

Today at lunch we talked about how people physically alter themselves to
look a different way.
Not so much in plastic surgery for a better physique or
coloring their hair- but body modification. Skin implants, scarification,
piercing, etc. We talked about how we’ve each seen different people with
maybe horns implanted in their skulls, silicone hearts on their chests, or
tribal art cut into their skin. It all seems so extreme, and to many it’s

grotesque. Although those things don’t particularly ‘gross’ me out, it does

put a certain impression on me. I have tattoos, and piercing, but I judge
just like the next person. I automatically associate those sorts of body
modifications with occults, anarchists, or 'extremists' of one sort or
other. I had to stop for a minute when I got back to my desk and search
my heart about why I judge to quickly. I think its human nature to

associate. Especially when we dont understand things. However, would
someones appearance stop me from freely loving them like I should? Would I
not smile at a passer by because they had something about them that I didnt
relate to?

Most of you probably dont have this problem- but I automatically associate
'jocks' or the 'athletic' type as being cocky jerks. I've found it hard to
even openly be
friendly to a boy/girl that fits that description because my
automatic thought process is 'I'll hurt them before they can hurt me'.
Every part of my being stands on edge when I see a jock, or for that matter
a cheerleader or "popular" girl. It might not fall into the line of being
physically different then other people, but their style of dress, hair,
postures or even initial impressions cause me to judge without thinking.

I say all of that simply to admit that I find myself judging others far
more then I should. Whether its because they have modified their bodies in
some 'unconventional' way, or because they fit a certain stereotype. Jesus
loved and accepted the least in society. You know what he fought against
though? Those that would cast the first stone. When I judge
automatically, am I not in one sense or another casting the first

I never want to become a 'pharisee' of my generation. I want my arms to
wide open to love and welcome- even the 'strange' or...'jocks' *ahem*. I
dont have to accept every notion, whim or thought thats thrown my way
society, but my calling as a child of God is to pour out Christs love. I
might still feel extreme body modification is a little overboard, and I might
bristle at the arrogant attitudes of some 'jocks', but I pray that God
would open my heart to love them just like Jesus does.

This song came to my mind as I worked all this out in my head;

By Warren Barfield

I shouldn't have to tell you who I am
Cause who I am should be speaking for itself
Cause if I am who I, I want to be
Then who you see won't even be me
Oh the more and more I disappear
The more and more He becomes clear

Til everyone I talk to hears His voice
And everything I touch feels the warmth of His hand
Til everyone I meet
Sees Jesus in me
This is all I wanna be
I wanna be mistaken
For Jesus
Oh I wanna be mistaken

Do they only see who we are
When who we are should be pointing them to Christ
Cause we are who He chose to use
To spread the news
Of the way the truth and the life
Oh I want all I am to die
So all He is can come alive

Til everyone I talk to heart His voice
And everything I touch feels the warmth of His hand
Til everyone I meet
Sees Jesus in me
This is all I wanna be
I wanna be mistaken
For Jesus
Oh I wanna be
Oh I need to be mistaken
For You
Lord i wanna be mistaken

May He touch with my hands
See through my eyes
May He speak through my lips
Live through my life
I want Him to
I want Him to live

Monday, April 26, 2010

Its raining, its pouring...

Its funny how when it rains, it pours. This weekend another dam decided to break in our house and suddenly we were flooded with another problem we have to fix. I think currently, every single room in the house, including our basement, needs work done. Whether its windows, guttering, floors, walls, sinks or showers- something has to be broken. I think it’s an unspoken universal rule. If one of us were terribly ill, had committed some act of incredible bravery, or had a child with a mutation we'd totally apply for 'Extreme Home Makeover'. Unfortunately neither of us wants to lose a leg or contract a nasty disease to be applicant worthy.

You know what else is[nt] funny? When it rains- it literally POURS. This weekend it rained so hard. Not just for a few hours, but for days. This, on top of the already mounting issues in our house just exacerbated our leaking, gutter and window problems. One silver lining is that because of the leak in one of our windows, we discovered an ant colony that was making their home in our walls. Gabe tried to kill them with caulking and some ant killer. Hopefully they stay dead and don’t come rising up through the ashes and come back angry at us like Carrie. Water has been our bane for the past few weeks. It started out with our washer overflowing the entire floor. Now, its leaking down our living room walls. It just seems like everywhere we turn something else is wrong.

Life seems to be that way- a lot. I just want a way out. I don’t want to deal with situations, friends, work loads, or responsibilities. It would be so much easier if the answers and solutions to my problems just dropped into my lap, right? I don’t want to learn how to fix a broken floor board- I just want someone else to do it. I don’t want to learn how to mend that relationship because I just want the other person to take care of it. Laziness and being irresponsible follows me in every area of my life it if let it. There have been days that I've thought all day about how wonderful it would be to be a kid again so I didn’t have these responsibilities anymore. But, I don’t have that choice. When I really think about it, I wouldn’t want to give up the freedom I have as an adult either.

I fully believe that whether it’s my house circumstance, or another life situation, God is using it to mold and shape me. I know that he is just and good- and all things will work out for his glory. Yes, there is that child in me who wants to kick and scream because things haven’t gone my way. But that’s why I really don’t want to go back to being a kid- because I've learned through life that I don’t have to have things my way. Even when my life seems to stink, I know I’ll come out the other side because He’s in control of it.

Friday, April 23, 2010


Today I decided to go through copy all my old Xanga posts into a word doc.
I have hundreds of posts spanning from 2005-2007 that I definitely dont
want to loose. So, I thought I'd preserve some history and burn them all
off onto a cd. I still havent figured out a way to easily copy all the
comments from those posts- but for know at least I have the bulk of the

As I went through them after I'd finished copying them to the word doc, I
realized how much deeper I thought back then. Maybe it was because I was
writing on a weekly basis, or because I had time to sit down and formulate
my thoughts. Either way, when I sit down to write today, I can barely get
out a cohesive paragraph, let alone a meaningful blog post. Sigh.

So, this is my attempt at getting back into the groove. I’m trying to disciplining myself
to write again and to dive into deeper thoughts. Who knows- You might be
reading this and see that I havent updated this blog in over 3 years. Ha. I
hope not though. My hope is that I will continue the practice.

Heres to blogs! *Cheers*

P.S. Speaking of Cheers- I've never see that tv show. I always hated the
cinematography. When I've seen clips it looked orangy and yellowed. BARF.
It makes me think of brunt orange couches and old cheap mexican blankets
(no offense if your mexican). I guess its very 70's though, huh?
Ok...thanks. Bye.